Hillary Clinton on "cleaning up" the mess in Washington: "One thing we women know how to do is clean house!"

Yeah, right. $109 million since 2000, when they were supposedly "broke". Eight years in the White House before that, then the governor's mansion... the woman hasn't cleaned house in an easy 20 years, man. (Hey, if I can get out of it for 20 years, or even 2 weeks, I'm in!)

Dunno if she's baked any cookies lately.

And to the neighbour who's clearly making tacos after midnight: Thanks for turning on the stove fan and piping it into my bathroom. I hate you. They smell good. Bring me one. No? Damn you. And your tasty-smelling tacos I now so crave. Fuck.