It's a Weird World After All

Comics
Originally uploaded by scribecalledsteff.

One poor bastard in Santa Fe was half-blind already (a fireworks accident) when he was recently shot in the good eye with a pellet gun. He was just out jogging when he was shot. He doesn’t remember seeing anyone or anything before the shooting. No, I bet he doesn’t.

Either dude’s got seriously bad karma or he’s the newest chapter to Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

* * *

A guy bought a second-hand shirt and found $2,000 in the pocket, then turned the money in.

What the hell for? I wouldn’t. I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t. I figure if you’re stupid enough to sell a used shirt, but you had two grand in the pocket, well, you deserve that karmic bite in the ass.

And I’d be happy to do the biting.

* * *

A Houston 911 dispatcher got grief when they were stupid enough to crack a joke while working. A mother had called to seek help with an insanely unruly kid. The dispatcher said, “Well, do you want us to come over to shoot her?” The line went silent, surprisingly.

Then again, who the hell calls 911 for help with an out of control kid? You mean Super Nanny doesn’t have a three-digit quick-access direct number yet?

* * *

A 17-year-old kid broke into a cemetary and stole the head of a corpse, apparently planning to turn the head into a bong for smoking dope.

Do I need to comment? I don’t mean to pun, but the kid is in serious need of headshrinking.

* * *

A woman in a Washington, DC Starbucks bought a pastry and got a bit more than she’d bargained for when she noticed rat shit on her goods. GayBoy, who has a long and storied career as a Starbucks whore, has told me he’s found rat droppings in Starbucks pastries, too, but that they’ve always thrown out the entire box of goods if that’s the case. Every Starbucks uses “outside services” for pastries.

Moral of the story? Always look at the food you’re eating. I didn’t, once, and discovered mid-bowl that my Cheerios were infested with moth larvae. They looked like maggots. Trust me, I get enough protein in my diet. Took me six years to eat Cheerios again. (It wasn’t a problem with the Cheerios--someone gave us bulk food that had the larvae in it, and it spread. Never accept free bulk food. Never. Ever. We tossed $200 of food as a result.)

Needless to say, I vomited. Long time.