sick in the head: on lunch

for six hours i've slept already. i got up, hydrated while i watched House, and in a few minutes, i'll go back to bed. that'll be just over an hour. a lunch break from sleeping, of sorts.

pfft. what else can one do in the fight against sickness, huh?

i've been kind of pondering being sick. i'm kind of annoying in that i look for meaning and symbolism in everything. i should heed it more often, though, because you'd be surprised how often i've been right about when things were on the verge of change in my life of late. it's weird.

of course, i have no faith in myself of late, so i've not been doing much in the way of heeding.

but that's the interesting bit. in acknowledging weakness, one tends to find strength. a fine thing indeed.

so, here i am, sitting around and deciding that, this time, sickness means the death of something. but death, too, is good.

it's interesting how much fear the Death card in Tarot cards tends to instill in the person having the reading done. usually, though, it can be one of the best cards to receive. after all, it means change. who's kidding who, the status quo tends to be overrated. it's comfort. we get used to things and the pattern, like rain drops on metal roofs or the drone of traffic, gets to be a comforting routine.

i hope i can in fact manage to make this a time of change. not like i'm not busy enough. sure, another hobby. ha.

i'm not all happy-happy joy-joy about executing change, either, though. the status quo for me is sort of liveable, but the future holds three things: i find success, i just get by, or the alternative. we won't acknowledge the alternative because it's just not going to happen. ergo, there are two things. and one's not acceptable. which means i have to do what i wanna do, and i hafta do it good, right? of course, i'll opt to use good grammar at that time, but right now we're doing the whole win-one-for-the-gipper, so cut me vernacular slack.

then again.

every time i get sick or injured, i sort of shut down mentally before and after. then, whammo. i tend to get hypercreative for a bit. it's great. hopefully that's part of this. i'd be ready for a hypercreative phase. that'd be a fine thing indeed.

but my lunch hour is up. 1 hour, eight minutes. done like dinner, martha.

(i was sitting there a few minutes later, staring at a wall in a semi-dark room, when i had this little daydream image of a general back in the time of genghis khan, in some tent on a mongolian plain, and suddenly he rolls over and sits up, drenched in sweat, freshly awoken from a feverish dream. 'aha!' he cries, having just imagined the perfect stragic military move to make next. and i thought, "gee, everyone has such great ideas in fevers. cool. i want one." a fever, that is. but then i had a good one. idea, that is. now i don't need no stinking fevah. huzzuh.)