adfnasfiowhfwnmnCv,ms;dgkwOJFopqweaefrgn

it's 7:28 am and i have already: been to the store, showered, made coffee, and tidied up my kitchen. my french press is getting all happy-happy for a few minutes, and then i'll make a couple eggs and toast for the first time in a few days.

it's a very ambitious morning, and if all works out, i'll arrive at the office by the staggeringly early time of... 9:00. how lame is that? the rest of the world actually GOES to work at 9, and for me, it 's a "stop the presses!" kind of accomplishment or something.

gee, she must be a real pothead or something. wow, what a slacker.

sigh, six years of a flex schedule followed by a year of lax employment will do that to a gal. ain't got nothing to do with the pot. i blame my new curtains, too. i used to always wake up earlier and be more naturally awake earlier. nowadays, i wake up sort of at a decent time, but i'm less "awake," y'know? hmms. probably has to do with the depression and the major change of adapting to a new 5-day work-week life. i've heard from others it's a bitch to re-acclimatize to the grind.

i'm tired today, sadly, but hey. i'm sure it'll improve. tomorrow's friday, and saturday i can sleep until 9:30. i have one event planned this weekend in which i shall meet new people, and i have 1.5 nights to myself (nice) and some family time and some makin'-me-cute time scheduled. all in all, it's a pretty well-balanced weekend, provided i get some cycling in, too, which i'll probably do for the fireworks.

we have an annual four-part fireworks competition that combines symphonic arrangements with the light show. the orchestra hangs out on a float on the water, next to the fireworks, and then the shows are choreographed, i guess, to be in sync. it's really quite overrated and i hate the volume of pollution and garbage it generates, but a million people or more show up for every display, so clearly i'm not among the masses with that opinion. whatever.

i'm sort of choked this morning that so much of my summer just vanished into thin air -- you know, the whole relationship thing, which i handled badly, the job thing, which i handled badly, the depression thing, which i have handled badly until about the last week... it just adds up. i had really wanted this to be the summer that ROCKED, but it's not.

still, i'm trying to salvage it. i just have this habit of getting antisocial around now due to the dead-mom-anniversary thing, but i'm fighting that this year.

bah! anyhow. coffee. the doctor's appointment is today, and maybe i'm just spiralling down a little 'cos i know i have to talk about The Heavy Shit this afternoon. it'll be good to get it out of my system, and tonight'll be the start of a whole new era for me. i think i'll take some time tomorrow night and reflect on things i need to do for myself, and for my goals.

(i am, however, realizing that i generate enough material to not have to worry about filling a weekly or biweekly podcast, so that's a weight off.)

depress-o-meter: probably a 5. for all the reasons listed above. i'm fighting it. i'm fighting to reclaim my summer, and i know i'm doing a good job, but now i need to get the fuck out of town and enjoy nature before i can't do that all winter. i think i hear Lynn Canyon beckoning. maybe i'll go Sunday afternoon or something.