[INSERT RELIEF HERE]

Whew.

Called my "new" job that I'm to return to on Monday, and some OTHER chick answered the phone. WTF?! The manager chick I wanted to speak to was not yet in, so I said I'd call back. I hung up, my heart was racing, "freak out mode" was on the verge of kicking in. I jumped in the shower, lathered up, rinsed off, found my clothes for the day, and called back. The chick I'd been wanting had returned.

"Hey. I'm just wondering if we're still on schedule for me making my grand return on Monday?"

"YES." She was clearly frustrated, tired, and needed additional help, all expressed in that one wee word.

"Am I missed already, then?"

"God, yes. I'm so incompetent in some of this stuff!"

I had another good laugh at that and now I feel much better. A weight is off my shoulders. I'll still find a way to worry about it, naturally, but hey.

My old/present boss has just emailed me about a neat job opening in the post-prod business (film) in town, too, so I'll have to apply for that one, regardless, because that would be an incredible position for networking and opportunity building.

But, god, I feel a little better. It's so fucking HARD living your life when you feel other people hold all your strings in their power! Holy SHIT, is it hard. I'm such a perfectionist and control-freak, too! EVERYONE has held power over me in the last few months! The government, my ex, my jobs, my clients, even my fucking friends and their convoluted schedules. I want my life back!

And I'm fucking well taking it! HUZZAH. Fuck'em, sez me. Yeah, baby. I'm off to bike to work, and/or die as a result.

Depress-o-meter: Like the temperature, it's rising, but in my case, for the better. Let's say I've moved from a six to a five, with designs on a four today, okay? (With 10 being the sucking point.) I've applied for another job this morning that I would consider taking, too, if it arose, depending on the finances involved. I still think I'd LIKE this job I'm heading to next week. I think it'll be good for me. I'm just still nervous. Fortunately, the office manager completely understands my hesitations. (Wouldn't you, if you were hired on at the same time as someone who was laid off two days into the job? Huh? She's cool.) So, today my goal is to return to my control-freak self with a hint of obstinence and a splash of humour. Yeah. That's lofty enough.-