Mornings are hard

After working a flexible schedule for six years, and having much of the last year off, mornings are a fucking bitch to deal with. I'm so lazy. I sit around, put-put, and do as little as possible. I'm trying to change that. But it's not working.

Soon, soon, I hope. I fear I was too effective in negating the light-leaking problem in my bedroom, and now I have become something of a cave dweller. Here... let's raise that up a smidge. Aha. Daylight. Hey, look, it's sunny!

Depression truly sucks. I hate it. I've just joined a photography group, though, and plan the first outting this Sunday morning. The chick who's organizing it seems pretty cool, and there are some cute guys on the member list, so one can only hope.

Between now and Sunday, I don't think it's entirely impossible to extricate my head from my ass so I can have a good time with new people. Nervous as hell, but I can do it. I get very insecure when I'm depressed, but I suppose that's probably pretty universal. Still, I'll deal.

Tomorrow, I'm calling about a hair deal I might be able to get, and if I can, then I will finally get the copper highlights I've been wanting for a couple years. I usually like to change something about myself after a relationship, and the hair's the easiest way to go. Everyone who sees photos of me always thinks I should have red hair, but that's just the flash picking up natural highlights. Instead, I have this awful, mousy, light brown hair that does little for me.

My old hairdresser refused to give me any kind of red, saying my complexion was too ruddy, but fuck it. Someone new, something new. Besides, I take better care of my skin and it's less ruddy these days. It'd be cool if I could get the 'do by the weekend, and go to the thingie-thing feeling cute and sassy.

I also have some coupons for the Bay and, if they work (I'm dubious), then I can buy $125 worth of new clothes and not spend a dime. That'd be fucking wicked, too. It'd be nice to spend my way to a better mental state, but it's just not usually feasible.

Anyhow, I'm getting the wheels in motion. Speaking of which, today's a cycling day. I'm heading downtown by bus, though, for a lazy but earlier day's start, then taking to Stanley Park or something on the way home. I don't know. I'm as yet undecided. Coffee's the first priority.

Depress-o-meter: About a six, still, I guess. I did some all right writing. Had kind of a lousy night of sleep. Really don't want to be active. But I know I need to. I find myself getting angrier now, as if I've been repressing something, which I have, so I'm surprised to find this anger percolating within, but I think it'll simmer down shortly. I think it's just the end of a hard, hard time, and I'm just ready to crash. I'll be touching bases with my "new" job this morning to ensure all systems are go, and that could take some edge off things. I really want out of this old job of mine. I didn't realize how much I hate being there until I went back. Funny, that. To think, I was considering trying to just get rehired by them earlier this summer. Whew. What was I thinking? I'd have been suicidal, man. Fucking glued to a clock there, I am. Wrong way to live.