For you, the dress code is casual.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Last of the Temptations

Okay. Let's get one thing straight: I appreciate gifts. Gifts are wonderful. I love generosity. I also love food. And I'm overweight.

Giving me food at Christmas is like telling a recovering junkie that it's okay to do heroin at Christmas because it's "only once a year". I mean, come on. So, naturally, I have loved the food baskets I've received this Christmas, but whew. Glad that's over with.

Food at Christmas, wow. It's been a bit of a weird Christmas. I've been really conscious of my mom not being here, and how weird it's been since her death, but I haven't been that sad about it. It just is. My brother's only now, nine years later, starting to deal with her loss so it's strange being around his delayed reaction with my my "just kinda there" calm reality about it all. Having him around that long was weirdly surreal. We haven't hung out for 48 hours together since I lived in the Yukon, 1994. And it WAS nice having really decadent, rich food to share with him since he lives a pretty austere (re: broke) life and all.

It's my first year in three or four years for having a tree up, too. It's felt kind of odd going there again, all the decorations we'd do together. I remember my last Christmas with her and I came home all sad and disappointed when I saw the tree already up. She thought she was being nice and surprising me. Wow, to have that moment back. I don't regret a lot, but I do regret that. I've thought about it a few times this week and have this haunted, empty feeling every time. I'll be over it soon. I've just never thought about it once in all those years, so. It's good to deal and move on.

I'm kind of bizarrely conscious of this Christmas. Something about it feels different. Like something's coming down the pipes. I could never have foreseen the year I just had, nor the one before it. I'm beginning to think this life thing comes with a lot of surprises all the time, and that it might be hard and tough at times, but it's always interesting. I'm wanting to be the one doing the surprising for a change. And I'm just aware of how much everything is before me rather than behind me. Perspective being what it is and all. It's exciting and daunting and intimidating and mystifying and inspiring.

And weird. :)

And back to the food. Bought a magazine yesterday, new, called Eating Clean. First ever edition of it, too. Great stuff. I've been trying to use yoga (which I hadn't done in 10 or 12 days till this morning) to be more mindful of my present. The magazine, in addition to great unique recipes, has lots of great articles, including one on the Yoga of Eating, in which it discusses mindfullness and presence during eating. Totally what I need to be doing. Appreciating every single bite, and being aware of the food choices I'm enjoying.

Today's a shopping day, as is tomorrow, and I plan to have a number of recipes in mind as I do my shopping. Like curried butternut squash and apple soup, lentil salad with cranberries and pecans, (both from this new mag) and Thai chicken veggie wraps. And I'll look for a few other ideas, too. It'd be nice to do a bunch of cooking tonight and tomorrow so I can just focus on eating well while getting back into the swing of work.

It's time to focus now, and with this season almost behind us and the new year here, there's a world of inspiration out there to be had. I'm looking forward to the challenge, and I'm grateful everyone else will be all "I have to lose weight" for three weeks at least. I'll just need to outlast them all.

After all "it's only once a year" and I have 360 days before I reckon with that again. Yay routine. :)