For you, the dress code is casual.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


I am mere minutes away from Irish Soda Bread.

I am now contemplating making on-the-fly onion soup. I could use a mix of old cheddar and gradano on the soup, if I'm so inclined. The stock is mine, my fabulous dark turkey stock.

And, yep, that's all that's fit to report.

Okay, no, no it's not.

I went into the offices today and got to say g'bye to the coworkers. I found out two have now quit. I expected one to quit long ago, so I'm surprised he only got around to it now. But, GEE, I know just what it's like. It's kind of hard to leave a place that doesn't fulfill you when it's a good place to be. The people are awesome. Check. The job is fun. Check. The stress is temporary. Check. These are good attributes. One could come to love a job that offers only THAT for a long time.

But then there are those of us who, deep down inside, would like our work to matter a bit more. You know, you feel like you truly accomplished something by the day's end. And that's not something a workplace can manufacture. For a while, I felt that about the old job. But after a while, it gets a little routine.

They say that in Hollywood you get 32 basic plots, and every story is a variation of that prime 32. You watch shows day in day out on the job and you can pretty much confirm that reality. I don't get surprised much anymore.

But I was sorry to see there's some upheaval at the office. It's too bad. Things can change so quickly, and that's a hard job to train folk for. I'm still glad I'm moving on, tho. It's the right thing for me. I need a new challenge, a fun one. Something to push myself with.

Saying goodbye is weird. It's really weird.

It's strange being alone tonight. A big chapter of my life just came to a close and it only hit me when I was about to sign off about. I thought I had nothing to say, but then I realized it was a day of goodbyes.

There were a few other goodbyes for me during the day today, too, but they're not for sharing.

I'm 33 and I'm sort of starting out fresh right now. It feels really good. New things are on my horizon, and I'm really, really ready for them.

It's still kind of bittersweet moving on. It's too bad. I think, in a way, that there's too much of the old me still left at that old job. I was a very different person when I started out there. I had no confidence, no faith in myself. I thought I was lucky to have a job and sooner or later they'd see through my sham. I was reeling from my mother's death and for much of my first year there, was drunk nightly on red wine I'd u-brew. And I worked through all my shit there, and I was trusted with responsibilities and learned to prove myself time and time again, and I just totally came into my own because I was in the kind of environment where the corporate agenda is really to find everyone's best game. Work's always gonna brainwash you one way or the other, but some of that brainwashing's a great thing to get.

But off I go, and this place looks like an INCREDIBLY positive place. My god! It looks alive with energy and excitement, bubbling with innocence and awe. It's kids mixed with art! How cool is that? Gorgeous building. Pretty sweet stuff. In a super-cool neighbourhood, close to the ocean and childhood memories.

I always regret that I feel I lost a lot of innocence at several points in my life -- when I was terribly sick in Sick Children's Hospital, when my folks divorced, when my mother attempted to kill herself, when I got my heart broke real bad, when Mom died, when I nearly died a couple times in a row there... I mean, it can really leave you a little worse for wear when life's such an endless volley of struggles, you know?

But I struggle better these days, and I live better during them. I think there comes a point when you just grasp that: Life is hard, but it's sometimes fun, and when it's hard, count on the fact that the fun will come. And when it's fun, live for the moment 'cos the focus will make it easier to remember what it was like when times were good, when the times actually are bad. And learn from it, either way.

And, shit, man. I believe in karma. I know my karmic check's gonna be a big baddy when it finally does get cashed. I know I'm gonna get my just rewards. Hell, hard work needs to get repaid sooner or later, don't it?

But all in all, this is a good night. And it was a good day. Things are, it seems, looking infinitely up right now.