My Day to Come, and Writing High

Another sweltering day. Another bike ride looms. I'll shower soon, then head.

I'm not doing anything tonight -- taking it easy, making a nice meal, and cooling off on my couch... that sounds like heaven.

Tomorrow's another scorcher and I'll be on the beach for hours in the afternoon and evening, for a big ass barbecue and party. It'll be good, but tough, in weather like this.

Sunday's a cleaning and resting day because next week is going to be a busy one. That's all right. We like busy sometimes.

I may also try to start spending more time on my blog this weekend. Now that I'm getting up earlier, I need to better use my time. Especially now that I'm making a point of Twittering religiously to drive up interest.

I'm also slowly starting to read blogs again. Who knew? And commenting. Slowly but surely, it'll all yield dividends for me.

I write good comments, for the most part, and it was how I got any traffic (and respect) in the first place in blogging. Not a lot of people are great at comments, methinks, so it's a good way to publicize yourself. Trouble is, there's not much point in commenting if you're not one of the early ones, so you need to happen upon the right post, at the right time, and say the right thing. It's tricky. Works like gangbusters when the trifecta happens, but it's tricky to make it happen.

Unlike a lot of others out there, the one thing I never had to look for too hard with the good bloggers was credibility. A lot of the so-called big sex bloggers like me and my very vanilla life but liberated views on sex and freedom.

I think I'm pretty plain jane in the sex blogging realm, but I'm honest and real and I say what I think, so I guess that was always appreciated. I just don't really know how to bite my tongue and probably speak the truth on a lot of things people think and just don't say. I guess it appeals sometimes.

It's nice to see how quickly some of the respected blogging figures are subscribing to my Twitter feed now that they see I'm back in the blogging game again. Especially since some of them have the wherewithal to make my reentry into the realm that much easier and faster.

You wouldn't know it here, but I think my writing's the strongest (on the other blog) that it has been in more than two years. 51 months, to be precise.

Not sure where the suddenly clarity has come from, nor the roll with words, but I'll take it. I find it suspiciously coincidental, however, that the clarity and profundity has come immediately on the heels of my antidepressant chemicals beginning to flush out after getting off the pills about three weeks ago. (And the decline of my writing began when my chemical depression began in May '06. HMM.)

There's something awesome about that. It means my writing never sucked. It means I was sabotaged by drugs and chemistry. :) YAY, writing. Boo, chemistry!

Yeah, I cannot tell you how good it feels to be enjoying my writing daily again. I just can't tell ya. Ultimately, you know, it's nice to get read. It's nice to get emails from people saying X rocked because of Y. It's awesome to get comments from random strangers, or know I have 250+ people subscribing to my feed again.

But.

None of it matters jack shit if I'm not happy with my own work. In fact, I hate having any success at all if I'm not satisfied with my output, because a) it makes me complacent, and b) it makes me nervous about performing. And c) it means I don't believe anyone when they like me. Nothin' like feelin' a fraud, eh?

For the last couple of years, nothing has felt like it was working. I thought it had to do with my life just being stretched out that thin. Or that I was unhappy and it was getting in the way of writing. I don't know. I just felt like it was my fault, like I was failing to connect the literary dots.

But for the cloud to have eroded so quickly? Yeah, sounds like the drugs to me.

Fucking A, baby. I'm loving this. It's good to be back.