It's The End of An Era and I Feel Fine

Today's the anniversary of Mom's death. So, nine years now. Hmm.

Read an article the other day about how they've discovered that there's actually a biochemical/neurotransmission difference in people who experience the profound, unrelenting grief.

And it's something that's unaffected by medication as yet. Interesting, eh?

That's the kind of grief I had. I was a mess before she died anyhow, and that just sent me in a tizzy. I was fucked up long time. And today, I'm not that bothered. A little sad. I think whenever we have good things happening to us, we tend to miss our departed parents more, especially our mothers.

I think she'd be really happy to see me making a go of the lifestyle I've got these days, the health I'm gaining, the weight I'm losing, the finances I'm sorting out, etc, etc. So I'm sad I can't get an "I'm proud of you" out of her, but that's life.

Mostly, though, today I'm thinking of how far I've come considering all the fucking adversity life threw my way in those nine years. I sank myself into stupid debt, I'm almost out of it now. I'm at a weight I've not been in at least 15 years. But, the only important thing is, I'm pretty content with my life. I like what I have going on. I'm grateful for what I have, working towards what I want, and that's really all anyone can ask for, isn't it?

I'm glad. I think she'd be happy I'd found a way to turn the anniversary of her death into a milestone of growth for myself. I think she'd applaud that thinking. I know she would.

So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

And I'm having a really, really good week that I think will be getting better, if things go right, but so far I'm enjoying my week. More later.