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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A Morbid Yet Fun Post On Death -- AKA, The Big D!

I kinda always wanted to be cremated when I die. Seriously.

Let's have that chat, shall we?

Cremation, cool. You know, it's kind of like the rebellious child of death rituals. You burn out, you go where you wanna. Get scattered on a mountaintop? Why the fuck not? Inside of Macy's? Sure!

When Mom, bless her soul, bit the bullet, so to speak, we broke the law and scattered her ashes too close to shore. I mean, seriously, what's one dead lady gonna do, huh?

Oh my god! The populace is ill! It's not like we're talking a high school filled with cholera or something.

So, we sent her out breaking the laws. But you can do that. It's cremation.

Burying some dude anyplace you want, now that's a smidge more conspicuous.


Finally, a concept of burial that works for me.

Ghana's got it going on. There, you commission your own coffin before you die. You have an artisan build you a coffin, sized to you, designed as something that can stand as a symbol for your life. A pilot dies, he commissions a wood coffin designed as a plane. A bartender will probably be buried in a box that looks like his favourite kind of booze. Or if your Mercedes was your pride and joy, you'd be buried just like the fellow seen here.

The shapes of these things reflect the item's real shape. It's not a boring boxy coffin a la Six Feet Under.

They're really fucking cool. Kinda like toys to play in during the afterlife. Remember that red toy car made of plastic you'd sit inside and pedal and go no-fucking-place fast in? Yeah. Like that. Sans wheels.

I diggit! Yeah! See, now I want to have my death cake and eat it, too. I wanna go to Ghana, backpack, commission my own coffin, and then when I'm dead, the people whose duties it'll be can go ahead and bury the box but cremate me, and spread me someplace awesome, like, say, Cape Foulweather down there in Oregon, or off San Fran's Marin Headlands, or in the Valley of the Lost Souls in Nelson BC.

Just make sure a law's getting broken as you're doing it, hey? I have no idea what I'd want my coffin to be. Still, cool! I mean, it celebrates your life for forever, right?