Ron Jeremy: CellStar

RJMOBILE
Originally uploaded by scribecalledsteff.

Ron Jeremy's going cellular.

At RJMobile.com, you can download the everyman porn king's fine selection of... tidbits for your phone.

Included, for £1.50 per week, are porngirl wallpaper for your phone (because who wants to actually look at Jeremy), a selection of audio tones for the ringer, and more.

My favourite item is the When Harry Met Sally "I'll have what she's having" orgasm that Meg Ryan fakes. Imaging waltzing down your favourite supermarket aisle as some guy's cellphone goes off next to the rutebaga.

"Oh... Oh! Oh, God. Oh, God... Oh! God! Ohhhh..."

"RJ mobile subscribers will be charged £1.50 for each week that they remain with the service. This charge will allow the downloading of any single piece of content plus a personal photo blogging account. Additional videos, wallpapers, Groantones and text flirts will be charged at £1.50 per item. Forty new, 30-second clips will be available each week."

Yes. "Groantones."

You know, guys. This is a great idea for you. Single girls like me will swoon when you manage to procure our numbers and upon trying to enter it into your cellphone, it groans at you.

You can just tell us it's "a pre-emptive groan." You know, setting the groundwork.

At the end of the night, though, you'll be thrilled you spent your £1.50 that week to score your little orgasmic videoclip, because God knows we won't be there with you. I know, I know. You're thinking, "Really, porn's great. Doesn't everyone like porn?" Of course we like porn. Just don't put it on your cellphone.

We women like to delude ourselves that you boys can occasionally overcome your penises. Let us embrace the illusion for just a little while longer.