RANT: Just Another Stupid Comment

First off: When someone gets into a big long treatise or essay all provoked by what I've written, I'm flattered. When readers get into arguments with each other over something I've said, I'm flattered. When people take the time to write me to say why they identify with something I've written, I'm flattered.

THAT is why I love to write. All of those comments. They're so awesome to get. I love them.

BUT...

This might be totally cunty of me, but I've got to say I'm getting really tired of people commenting and leaving me unsolicited advice when all I'm doing is blogging for the fuck of it.

Like I'm complaining on the other blog about my mild hangover after too much tequila on Saturday night and I get the whole "You're probably dehydrated, you should drink more water" brilliance thing happening in the comments.

Yeah, thanks, Sherlock. You fuckin' think so? God, how did I ever get to age 35 without knowing being dehydrated is a major component of hangovers? Wow, why do I never get these memos?

Holy overstating the fuckin' obvious, Batman. Thanks for that pearl.

I know people mean well, but it's really fucking irritating as a blogger, when you work hard trying to keep a blog with new stuff for people to read all the time, and instead of getting a comment that's the equivalent of a pat on the back or something, we get emails telling us what we're wrong about or some obvious stupid thing that the reader seems to think we need to do.

Obviously I'm dehydrated after drinking tequila. I thought I'd spare you from the obvious and write about the funny part of it rather than the what-every-person-with-a-brain knows, that one should drink water after getting drunk.

A week or two ago someone left me a comment about how to make an em-dash. See the assumption is that I give a shit. In fact, I don't. I feel kind of badly for writing that reader back privately and telling him to stop with the fucking "helpful" advice that, instead of being helpful makes me feel like I'm being condescended to, not appreciated on the basis of the CONTENT of my blog rather than just its grammar, or any other number of feelings.

Fuck, people. I work hard enough, working 40 hours a week, exercising up to 10 hours a week, writing and editing another 10 hours a week on top of that, doing the basic caring-for-myself eating/washing/shopping/house-cleaning that takes another 25 or 30 hours of my week. The last thing I need to start giving a shit about is putting a proper em-dash into motherfucking Blogger, for whom alt-characters don't work. Life's too short. A double dash works fine for me.

Besides, my job uses double dashes because of its 1980s software, so I may as well stay in a frame of mind more conducive to getting my job done faster. But does the reader take any of this into consideration before saying what I SHOULD do as opposed to what's been working fine for me? No. Does the reader assume I even KNOW what an em-dash is? No, they condescend to explain what it is. I'm an EDITOR for a LIVING. I get PAID to understand the constructs of the English language. And this guy isn't the first dude to jump to ignorant conclusions.

I don't get PAID to write this blog. I do it for the LOVE of it. So I take shortcuts. So fucking what? Don't make the assumption that I'm somehow unhappy with what I'm putting out there, because that's an insult, as if I'm somehow settling for something crappier, when all I'm doing is choosing my priorities.

There's the whole "Oh, just ignore it" mentality that someone else may want to suggest I have about those comments. You know, sail through life in "ignore" mode. Whatever. Or I could just tell people to fuck off and have it done with.

So, let me say this on behalf of any serious bloggers out there:

When we WRITE blogs -- not just throw up four links and call it a fucking post, or use some easy picture as filler with a 15-word wisecrack and call that a day's content, but we really, really WRITE blogs -- and we put our fucking hearts and souls into it, COMMENTS are the juice that get us energized and keep us going. So, when the only comment you get after, say, two days of no comments or a week of no comments, is something about grammar or punctuation or "drink water", the first reaction is, "Have I got a bitch-slap for you!"

Like, have respect to write about the content rather than just throwing advice or grammar tweaks at us, or don't write at all. We don't need it. Really.

I just wish all blog readers would get it through their minds that giving the blog writer advice when all they're really doing is getting some thoughts out of their head, is usually not very appreciated.

If it provokes a thought with ya, comment. If you liked what was said, comment. If you take issue with what was said, comment.

If, however, all you want to do is patronize the blogger by assuming they don't know the advice you're about to give them, then maybe you should do both of you a favour and assume they might just be smarter than you're giving them credit for and, for whatever reason, just let it ride.

I know I'm getting really fucking tired of these few readers assuming I'm just some stupid chick who needs a little extra hand-holding to get across the street. Seriously.

Although, back when I was angry about my scooter getting towed, a couple nice readers offered helpful advice and provided links for fighting tickets, and that was sort of appreciated because I knew they were coming from a good place.

But "drink water"? Gee, YOU THINK? Sigh. Fuck, man. Wanna tie my shoes for me, too?