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Friday, February 22, 2008

death to the week. death! off with its head.

i've had a very difficult week. it's been hard keeping myself in the right headspace and it all kind of came crashing down before work today when my OTHER hearing aid fucking died on me this morning.

another $300 thrown away, and my medical's all used up on aids already... for the next 18 months. fucking unreal. medical plans are kind of ridiculous that way. they keep this fucking token $500 reimbursement over 2 to 4 years for the claimant, and the reality is, a good single hearing aid costs $2500 to buy, and at least $200 a shot to repair.

my job, ironically, in which i help non-hearing and hearin impaired viewers watch television is BAD for hearing aids. why? because i wear headphones 8 hours a day, trapping all that extra moisture in my aids. moisture + electronics = bad plan.

whatever. fuck it. this one has been about 18 or 20 months since i last died, so it's about due. i just can't believe the luck i've had with hearing aids -- three repairs, $900, since october. unfuckingreal.

i can afford to pay for the aid repair right now and i suspect i've had reduced volume for a bit, so it's probably a good thing it's getting fixed. and i'm telling myself this. soon i'll actually come to believe it. and when i get it back and things sound crisp and good, i'll be pleased.

sill, i'm hoping this is the end of that for a while.

despite all this bullshit i've kind of had whirling in my head this week, and this stupid setback today, i'm going to shake this mood off pretty quick in the morning. my scooter will finally be repaired for once and for all, i hope, and i can just keep on keepin' on.

still, i've accomplished a lot this month and i know it.

aside from my woe-is-me emotional bad eating today (within reason), i've eaten very well, i've been exercising the last couple weeks. so much so, in fact, that climbing the highrise stairs down the street no longer hurts at all the next day. which means, monday, i'm upping the floor count.

and, hey, they have no 13th floor there. i don't know whether that reassures me or makes me paranoid. like, when you're terrified of bad luck, doesn't it somehow land on you, something like bird shit honing in on a freshly waxed-and-detailed luxury car for kicks?

i'm the kinda person who'd move in on the 13th floor just to see what's up, whether there's any truth to the myth.

anyhow, i'm not given to keeping my shit all together very well during times of duress, so having been pretty on page with everything this week (health, fitness, etc) makes me feel pretty good about not having gone off the rails when, mentally, i kinda did just that.

it feels all grown up. whodathunkit.

and the moon just popped up, all hazy and happy and not-now-so-full, partially blurred by a fluffy little cloud. quaint. reassuring. our friend, the moon.


mom's birthday is done and gone, the evil anniversary is over with, and the coast is clear for stupid nostalgia until mother's day. :P

and i didn't behave too badly. in fact, i was even productive. who knew?

now, please, god, help this kid get things done right and good on my bike tomorrow so i can actually start to have confidence in my scooter again? if i get that, everything else is coming up roses, man. i just want a scooter i can trust again.

know how bad my scooter's been? (i think we put the wrong oil in and it fucked it right up.) when it goes up any hill at all, and i'm forced to stop and/or decelerate below 30km, my power descends rapidly.

it is so bad... so bad that it progressively chokes to below 10 kilometres depending on the grade of the hill. there's one hill on a bike route on the way home that i can't even mount. the last block, i have to physically push my scooter uphill. all 190 dry pounds of it.

fuck, man. humiliating? duh, yeah. heh. HOWEVER. i've actually found it pretty amusing a couple of times, and have enjoyed the just-springing flowers and such. i've even laughed out loud. most of the rides home now, i'm pleading and begging with my scooter, although i totally know it's not helping.

add to that the three new zits i've gotten today, and yes, this week's been quite the humdingerydoo.

yes, i'm quite done with this week.

damn, i've been home for one hour and 28 minutes and i have not yet opened a tantalizing bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale?

ho! so wrong. so, so wrong. retasking priorities: now.