Why Is My Forehead All Flat-And-Weird Looking?

Oh, because you've been hitting yourself in the head with a hammer. Bet it feels good now that you've stopped, huh, honey?

And now I work for the next five days. I'm not thrilled. I won't have time to get anything done. I'm getting up earlier, starting today, and will find a way to record a few minutes here and a few minutes there.

I recorded a cute thing yesterday, "I'm not an expert -- I'm an enthusiast!" It probably prefaces a rant on the same subject. Someone left me a rude, negative comment on an old piece of mine. It's funny, considering the volume of comments I get, I would think I'd receive more rude and lewd ones, but I don't. Very seldom. This was a rude, but not lewd one. They basically said I don't know enough of what I'm talking about, I should warn people I'm not an expert, yada, yada.

Well, yeah. Duh. I'm not an expert on anything. I've said this time and again. Now I'm going to design a graphic to put on the new blog as a disclaimer. I am not an expert. I'm an enthusiast. Another buzz line I'll have popping up in the podcast is, "I'm schooled, arguably skilled, but far from licensed."

I don't have anything timely to rant about, so I need to delve through papers this week and get my rage on about something for a rant. I'm hoping I can kill this thing in the next week or so, but then I need to get it broadcasted on its host site before I can share it with the world. Soon, though. At least I NOW HAVE QUALITY on the podcast. Everything else will follow.

Except for when I have to work at the real-life job. Fuck, man, working really makes it HARD to juggle this stuff! I know where my heart lies, y'know? I'm glad I'm back at a job with a better, more accomodating schedule, though. That's for damned sure. Plus, my imagination works better when I'm there. Maybe I'll get a show that'll get me thinking today. Here's hoping.

I get frustrated with working for a living sometimes. I do. I don't have this 60-hours-a-week lifestyle in me. I'm not built to be smart for more than, oh, 11 hours a day. I need my brain-off period.

But whatever frustration I have in regards to the juggling I'm constantly doing, I'm at least no longer doing it for the jerk I worked for 2 weeks ago today. My life has done a 180 in two weeks, that's for sure.

And I'm so close to feeling accomplished. So close. And yet no cigar. But so close. I think I have about 4-5 minutes of workable stuff in the mix.

OKAY, OKAY. Here's the problem. You wanna know the problem? The problem is that I've had this podcasting gear around for three months and NO creativity hit me in regards to it the whole time I was waiting to solve all my issues, right? Yeah, well.

If I was an 'physical' artist, then you know what I'd likely be? A sculptor. I'd work with clay. I'd get my hands in, mess with it, lean back, take it in, rework it, rinse, and repeat. Creatively, that's how I work. I'll sit down, start to write, stop, lean back, take another look, move my work to the bottom of the page, and start again. That is, if it's something worth taking the time. Now, with this podcasting thing, having tech problem one after another, I never got to push my hands into the mix and work the product. Now, I am. Now, ideas are starting to hit me.

And the thing is, I'm starting to look at this like it's art. Not that I'll be creating art, but that it's a malleable and workable product that I can use to reflect a lot of who I am, my personality. And I'm starting to think about little tricks and stunts I can do that will give it a very personal edge. Editing this show will be hard and I'll learn a lot. All the ones to follow will be better and faster, but that doesn't mean I'll take too many shortcuts with this one. Some shortcuts, yeah. I suspect every episode will improve. Firsly because that's the way it happens and secondly because I've set that as a goal: constant improvement. I find it's a good policy for living life, so it'll probably make a decent podcast, too.

Anyhow. Yeah. Time for breakfast Then The Real World. At least I've finally gotten both blogs updated. It's like a fucking weight, man. AN ALBATROSS! And it's Monday(ish) since I work this Satuday, too. Oh. Golly. Fun. All right, this phase of the plan is now to be called: Work Smarter, Not Harder. Good luck, me.