Things Just Ain't What It Seems

I'd had such lofty expectations for this day and like all days with lofty expectations, there comes a letdown. I've not accomplished nearly as much as I would have hoped, but perhaps I'm being harsh on myself. I'm a bit blue, though, let down by the lack of Getting Things Done, tired in general, and now a bit struck by the heat. Yes, it's as hot as I'd feared it would be this weekend. There's that, at least.

I'm torn now. There're so many things I need to buy, but now there's something I really, really, really want to buy. I don't know if I will or not, but if I do, I'd better do it this weekend or it'll all be for naught. I've found a rope chair hammock. I used to have a nylon chair hammock that had set me back by $110, and then the evil (read: terrorist) squirrels ate it over its second winter. (I hate squirrels.)

This one's $29.99 on the Drive. Fuck, I want it. Do I need it? No. But I have notions of writing on my laptop while swinging happily. In six weeks, the nights will be too cold to enjoy it anymore and I'll have wasted precious money. In a few weeks, I'll have more cash. Right now, no. I hate desire. It's the bane of my existence.

And I hate feeling unproductive. I also hate headaches. Now I'll go drink a lot of water and do a feverish clean, and then hopefully tackle my t-shirt designs again, and then later tonight I'll do some recording. Maybe the day can still yield results. I wish I wasn't as tired as I am. I think my body's just saying "It's been too much for much too long." I'd be inclined to agree. Things have been insane since July 12th.

Huh. Seven manic weeks. I'm just not built for that life anymore. I made my choices to live a slower life a couple years back and when I did, some gears fell away. This has been so trying on me. I guess I need to cut myself some slack. Mentally, I've needed a slower week. I've been operating on a 700-foot ceiling for far too long. A little bit of lowness has been the right thing, but damn this built-in guilt-o-meter. It's ridiculous how intolerant I am of acquiescing to what my body's needing from me. But life dictates I need to get things done, too. I think they're coming together, it just doesn't feel like they are.

Anyhow. Water, cleaning, then more designing and recording. Sooner or later, a late supper.