Nervous Girlie

I have performance anxiety. Today is a paid trial intern day at a job I really want. I work Friday at the job I have, but it's not really a good fit for me. I'll do it if nothing else comes, but it seems to be more predominantly accounting than I had wanted.

I want variety. This job has it. In this job, I might even learn video editing. I'd be editing directors' scripts, I'd be doing light bookkeeping, dealing with clients, and I'd even have the future possibility of getting into some serious marketing and PR. It's the kind of job where he wants someone who's ambitious, who's motivated. Lemme tell you, that's not as common as you might think. About half or more the jobs I've spoken with are specifically looking for people who don't want to aspire beyond the station they're being hired for. I can lie, but when I say, "Oh, sure, I'm happy to be complacent!" I think there's a necessary ring of truth that get sounded out.

So, I'm all nervous. At this point I figure the dude's not gonna start at the bottom of the list and work his way up, but rather, he'll start at the top of the list with the most viable and work his way down. Really, the job would appear to be mine to lose.

So, that's scary. Eeps. Blah. I have two hours to get there. I have to stretch so I'm a little more relaxed, and get hopped up on caffeine, and prepare a bag lunch.

You know, I haven't put in a normal day at the office in MORE THAN A YEAR. I am so fucking out of practice! But I'm eager! God, I want this job.

Out of the five most likely jobs for me, one has now been turfed as they've decided on someone else, one I got (and realize I don't want), and then there's this one, the trial, and then there are two others. Of those, one pays less than this but has four weeks holidays (attractive) and then there's the dream job, and neither of those I've heard back on, but neither are in a huge rush, either. Sigh.

And another interview looms for something promising for August, a place with travel potential and all that, I suspect. The guy called my resume a "knockout wow-blam kind of resume" and asked if I was sure this was the job I wanted to go for. I have an idea for an email I'm sending him off now, to suggest I'll take MORE than I'm asking for. Heh. ;)

What can I say? We plays the games the ways we knows, is all. I knows what I knows.

I'm just a scaredy-cat. That I have to rush home and teach ESL for 6:00 isn't helping, I suspect. I may have to delay classes a bit.