For you, the dress code is casual.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Global Dumbing, The Ooga Boogans, and Mind Probes!

I was wondering. If the planet's atmosphere is filling up rapidly with carbon dioxide, could that mean people are getting less exposure to oxygen?

It would explain the increasing stupidity out there, don't you think? Just now, I gassed up, and this dumb, pathetic woman who served me asked "Is that bike thing your bike thing?" Uh. Is that scooter mine, yes. You moron.

No more oxygen for you. You deserve none. Stupid, stupid person.

Really, sometimes I have to wonder: How is that person possibly living on the same planet as me? It's the only time when I really start to buy into the whole notion of reincarnation. Clearly, I've been through a half-dozen or so lives in comparison. Otherwise, this nature-versus-nurture scheme needs some real fuckin' rethinkin', y'know?


Once upon a dimension, there was a girl named Steff. Steff toiled fastidiously in the post-production realm of the regional film industry, where she would be chained for long, gruelling hours at her closed captioning station, pounding away at the keyboard, churning out captioned show after captioned show.

For a short time in that alternate universe, Steff got to work on odd little shows from past and present, all of which were to be released on DVD. It was fun, she thought, to work on shows that dated to her early childhood and beyond. Almost surreal, some days.

On one such surreal day, she worked on a children's television show from the late '60s, early '70s that must, for legal reasons, remain nameless. In this show, the characters traipsed off to the jungles of South America, where they encountered native tribes that, of course, as all natives once were, were evil, nasty, head-hunting fuckers.

The natives greeted them menacingly, and I quote, "Ooga booga! Ooga booga!"

The white travellers got together and schemed. They hatched a plan, and the eldest said, "Why, these heathen monkey savages will never know what hit them!"

Sadly, against my will, I had to caption [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] for the "ooga booga" exchanges, which irks me to this day. Native? Methinks not.


Another all-time captioning great line I encountered at work once, "Did that alien mind probe extract all your common sense?"