I Hear My Phone A-Ringin'

A telemarketer just called, trying to whore a credit card on me, a credit card I know I won't be approved for anyhow. What's the point? They only come after the people they have flagged as having been bad spenders in the past.

No longer am I a bad spender, but I certainly loathe having phone calls interrupt my day, given that I'm a Deep Thinker and like my space when I have it.

I realize there are a lot of dickheads out there, like my beloved friend GB (sorry, GB, but you know how I feel about it), who seem to think they're entitled to be assholes to telemarketers. That kind of behaviour pisses me off, because these are people who, for whatever reason, have that as a job. And while you might be all high-and-mighty about never accepting a job like that, not everyone has the luxury of choosing what they do. God knows I've done shitty things like taking inventory, stuffing envelopes, selling vacuums... anything to pay the fucking rent, man.*

I believe in treating people with respect, regardless. When a telemarketer calls, I'm not all fluffy and nice, but I am indeed firm without being a cunt about it. I cut them off and I say, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested." Again, they say something else. "Look, I am not now, nor will I ever be interested. And I want to be taken off your calling list."

The latter is important. You absolutely must say, "I want to be taken off your calling list." Once you have, they are legally obligated to do so. As a result, they often then launch into a pre-written one- to two-paragraph long speech to the effect of, "It takes 30 days for changes to go into place, but please tell anyone else who calls that you have been struck from the list and then terminate the call. We appreciate your patience," yada, yada, yada.

Life is too short to be one of those petty fuckers who treats these people like shit. You really get something out of that? You better ask yourself why. I dislike knowing that people I care a great deal for behave in ways that smack of vindictiveness and pettiness when it comes to calls such as these.

If, however, I meet with a rude telemarketer, you bet I can return the same sentiments.

Another kind of caller I'll often get, since I've been paid to be a part of focus-group surveys in the past, are market research companies calling to do polls and surveys. All I ask them, then, is, "Are you paying me for my time? I make $30 an hour."

"No? Then have a nice day." And I hang up.

It's easy to be firm without being an asshole. Try it.

*(I am considering, for the hell of it and for the experience, trying to get in with Mr. Cool Ice Cream so as to drive an ice cream truck for a bit this summer. I mean, really, wouldn't that be cool? I mean, I'd have to be Ms. Cool, but hey. It's all about experiences, ain't it, this Life Thang?)