I Want To Cause Their Profuse Bleeding!

Every morning, I scour Craig's List. I'm the first one there. I dive-bomb through all the sections, and see if anything new has arisen. I do this about six times a day these days. Yes, neurotic. Obsessive. Hi. That's me!

Every fucking morning -- every fucking morning! -- I see the same g'damned spam left in every employment category. I flag the same guy EVERY FUCKING MORNING. In 10 minutes or so, his ads are gone.

Yeah, yeah, Citizen Steff's on the job. Shoot me now. My life has to be more exciting than this! Ha.

I've decided to cancel the substitute teacher interview. Just what I need, an interview with 10 other people for a job that may never happen. I need full-time work, soon. Not maybe-a-day-here-or-there.

A couple readers have contacted me about potential work. How weird would that be? COOL, but just weird in a "Doesn't Life Work Itself Out In Weird Ways" kind of way. It's good to be loved, man. And I'll take what I can get right now.

It's just so odd, knowing you are doing EVERYTHING in your power to change your future, and then having to essentially sit on your hands while the universe plays out the hand and decides where you fall. There's so much apprehension and anxiety as I sit here just knowing there is NOTHING I can do better than I am. Nothing. And I wait and wait and wait. It's a good thing I believe in myself; it's the only thing keeping me tethered at this time. Whew!

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of when I was first laid off from my job. Since then, I've spent my time working part-time in various incarnations, teaching ESL, pursuing writing. The learning curve from this past year has been INCREDIBLE. God, I've changed for the better! I'm pleased I survived a year in this scrape-it-together existence I've led. I never thought I could. Now I know it's coming to an end, and I'm all right with that. I'm actually EXCITED about being part of a corporate office again -- the people, the bustle, the known roles to play, the regular pay, the security... It's EXCITING. I want it! I think I've been out of the game just enough. I was so burnt-out. SO burnt-out. And now, I'm ready.

It's cool to finally know this is the right direction, not some forced hand I need to play. Who knew, huh?