Whew, What a Week

Sigh.

From migraines to relationship chaos to professional breakthroughs, it's been a hell of a ride.

I'm daunted at the prospect of doing live radio tomorrow (11pm-1am PST on 106.9 FM in San Francisco, or you can listen live via the web by clicking here) but I'm gonna do my best, as always.

I've finally got confirmation that we're moving ahead with getting me the gear to do live podcasts myself. I've always had a dream of being a talk show host, so I'm pretty excited and terrified to do the podcasts, since it'll be all me all the time, but it's time to take the plunge and go there. I'll be doing the podcasts in conjunction with an explicit sex site, but my content won't be explicit, it'll be pretty tame in comparison.

There's a song playing in my head by Big Wreck, Blown Wide Open. It's about how I feel today. Not horribly bad or anything, just as though I'm suspended in animation and there's nowhere left for me to hide.

I got three hours sleep last night, a week-long low in an already bad week for sleep. My head's groggy, as am I. I'm on antibiotics for the ear infection and it may be working a little. I think the hearing part of the radio show will work out all right after all.

My life is intimidating me a bit. I was all freaked out earlier about my relationship, but I'm settling down now. I know better what I should do in regards to it, and I'm hoping it's the right way to go. Stand back, take stock, deal with my own shit for a bit, and see where we stand down the road. I have SO much going on in my life that this relationship conundrum might just be a blessing in disguise, allowing me the time to focus on my career for a spell -- something that the timing is perfectly right to do.

I've begun writing a query to a local paper I want to write regularly for... it's interesting trying to come up with ways to say you're hot shit without actually saying it. It's hard to sell yourself when sometimes you don't even believe the hype. There's a lot of hype around me right now, just judging from my weird traffic surges and all that.

In the past two weeks, I've gone up about 90,000 places in my three-month averages on Alexa.com, but my weekly average is sick -- 109,000th on their ranking list for this week. It's crazy shit.

I've never announced my sex blog's name on here, but what the hell. I've kept it private so my father can't read it (hi, Dad) but I know my dad won't judge me, and I know he's really proud of how I'm doing of late, and I feel like keeping it from him is punishing him. He just wants to support me as best he can, and if encouraging my writing is how to do that, then that's what he wants to do.

So, without ado, here's the Alexa.com link for the traffic on my website. Through it, you can see the much-vaunted Other Blog of mine.

I really don't want to teach the kids today. I only have three hours to do, but I'm a little light-headed, a lot exhausted, and a world away from concentrating. I've been up since before 6am, have so far cleaned out my storage unit, taken some photos of things I may try to sell on Craigslist.org or ebay.ca, gone for a walk, written about 3,500 words, researched podcasting needs for an hour and a half, and watched a movie. Now I need to teach? With what braincells?

On the upside, I know that my students should be in a good state of mind today, and it's only for three hours. Two of them became Canadian citizens on Wednesday, and shit, are they ever proud of themselves. I got misty-eyed just hearing them fuck up the English as they told me they were now Canucks. It was a pretty awesome conversation last night.

I'm not opposed to immigration -- I think there are ways we could better improve immigration in Canada, since things are out of balance, but I'm really proud I live in a country that celebrates diversity as much as we do. I just think we need to remember we are Canadians first. When I see immigrants who are so fucking proud that they're now Canadians, it makes me well up with nationalistic pride. These are good people, and we'll be a better country with their like within our borders. It's the ones who are here for less pure reasons I'm not crazy about. These ones? My seal of approval.

At least I know I can come home and be alone and clear my head tonight. I need to take some calcium before I head out -- I think I'm calcium deprived, among other vitamins -- so I can sleep better tonight. I really, really, really need a clear head for tomorrow night when I go live on the show.

What a baffling week. What wonderful advances I've managed to begin making. I just hope the rest of my life comes together, or at least stays reasonably intact in the meantime.