That feels MUCH better!

Nothing helps the perspective like a good bike ride, I find. I went for a longer, slightly harder one on Sunday, but this one, I think, is the best ride I've had thus far this year. I was fast, I worked hard, I didn't waste time anywhere, spent only a couple of bucks, and have arrived at home with energy to spare.

I realized that I'm not the optimist I wish I was. In fact, I'm pretty negative sometimes. I realized that when I'm on a bike ride, for instance, I'll often look at a huge hill and think of all the reasons I SHOULDN'T tackle the hill.

"Oh, it'll hurt."
"It'll take too long."
"I'm too tired."
"I won't have energy for the rest of the ride."

Whine, whine, whine! Know what I usually do these days? I take the fucking hill ANYHOW, and I usually exceed my expectations, and it's usually not half as bad as I'd feared it'd be. Like today's ride, I knew I needed to get out and blow off some of the negative steam I've been shoring up -- because as much as Sunday's ride was a good one, the dope I was smoking made it hard and clouded my mind a lot, so I avoided thinking about issues that were important, and instead focused on not doing stupid shit, since my judgment was off.

This time, clear head, well hydrated, and with a mission in mind: Figure shit out.

I realized I was doing in life what I do in riding: I'm looking at the hill I'm needing to climb and thinking of all the reasons I shouldn't do it, when instead I should get to fucking work and tackle it. If it doesn't pan out, it doesn't, but at least I won't be on my ass wondering and taking the easy route out.

I popped into a publisher's that I'd love to write for, a specific paper here in town, and just inquired as to the best method of getting accepted. I was dissuaded from the approach I'd been thinking of, that with a marketing bent to it and some image manufacturing done to buff myself up. I was told a simple email was the best. There's a load off my mind.

I'd planned to stop into three newspapers... the first choice, the second, and the third. Then I figured, fuck that. There's only one I want to write for, and the rest would be food on the table, at best. So, I went to my first choice, and I'll go big, and then if necessary, I'll go home and tackle the smaller ones.

I have the contact name and email address now, and I have a game plan. I'd love for my blog to make money, but I keep coming back to the dream I've had all my life, and that's writing for print papers. My entire life I've loved movies about journalists and newspapers, and I've always wanted to see myself on mastheads, or better yet, in syndication. So, what the fuck. I'll roll those dice. The worst that can happen is rejection, and since I'm fearing it and feeling the pain of that fear anyways, I might as well just pull the Band-aid off and move on.

Now comes the painful wait of seeing just how sunburned I'm gonna be, but damn, it was worth it. Gee, bike rides are so much easier when you don't go after having a hamburger and smoking a doobie. Who knew?