Two baleen burgers and a side of fries, please

Okay, get this. A chain in Japan has now started offering WHALE burgers. Yes, Moby Dick gets bunned.

First, Japan is still abhorred by the world for its insistence on continuing to research whales, which face extinction the world over. But this fast-food chain insists it's only using meat leftover from that scientific research.

And then, the spoksperson goes on to say that:

"...the whale for the burger is cooked in such a way that �it tastes like beef and tuna, and since it is deep fried it has no odor.�"

Say it with me, kids: What the FUCK?

If you're cooking it to taste like beef or tuna, then why don't you have beef or tuna? There's a thing called principle. Eating whale shouldn't be something that's cool. It shouldn't be something we're trying to encourage. It shouldn't be doable. And whales sure as shit shouldn't be getting researched in a way that involves a scalpel and rubber gloves.

Then there's the stupid argument raised that it's part of Japanese heritage and thus should be protected as a part of tradition. Some religions would call stoning adulterous wives a tradition, too, but it don't make it right. Whales are facing extinction. Even with mayonnaise, that burger's a tough damn notion to swallow.

Here's an idea: We leave the whales the fuck alone, and Skippy across the Pacific there can go buy a fucking all-beef burger like the rest of the goddamned planet.