For you, the dress code is casual.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Good Vibrations

Tired technologies?

The Ultimate Blogger contest has its contestants, and I’m just crashing the party, writing on tired technologies. (I didn't bother checking the deadline and it was evidently yesterday or something. Oops. Fashionably late again. What can I say? Style comes first.)

Now, this one isn’t officially tired, but it might as well be. After all, when was the last real advancement with vibrators?

Sure, they vibrate, but why haven’t they been upgraded to throb? See, I’d pay a few extra bucks for the throbbing-vibing thing.

I’m just saying. Besides, I’m saving my piggy bank coin money up for something... special. Lay it on me.

(That something special will probably come from Womyn’s Ware, the coolest sex-toy shop you’ll ever see, and it's right here in Vancouver. Call your travel agent, folks. Tel 'em you're gonna get a vibe on. They design their own vibrators which border on works of art. They even have vibrators for individual astrological signs. And more importantly? They do mail order.)
* * *

My mother once had this born-again Christian friend named Alannah, years ago, maybe about 10 or 12 years ago now.

Alannah was a strange woman--too tall, gangly, chunky teeth. She’d changed her name from Alannah to Laeticia. I think she had an inner black woman, I’m not sure. But she was a very protected person. She wasn’t too hip on the worldly scene. I daresay she was quite ignorant. Nice, but ignorant.

Anyhow, mom shows up one day, there’s Alannah, sitting at the table, wrapping her Christmas presents.

“Oh, Shirley! Look at this. I got such a great deal! I got all these back massagers for half-off. I’m going to give everyone the gift of relaxation!”

My mom looked over the supplies on the table--easily a dozen vibrators.

As she told it to me--

“You bet you are. But, uh, you know... they’re not massagers.”

“They’re not?”

“No, they’re, um... vibrators.”


“Vibrators. For women. To, you know.”

“Oh, good lord!”

She was mortified. Alannah/Laeticia had another surprise. Her Christmas shopping? Not quite as done as she’d thought.
* * *

Talk about your gifts that keep on giving.