Food, Food, Glorious Food

Some people are having a contest to find “The Ultimate Blogger.”

I heard about it too late, so I couldn’t enter. But I figure, hey, why not? I’m crashing the contest. I’ll be posting my retort to the challenge every time there is one. This is the contest link. But this challenge was due May 3 at 12:00 am. I’m posting late because I can.

I think the public is supposed to vote. Vote for Mimi in New York. Check my sidebar to see her slutty rag. (And Mimi, you could never get on my wrong side. Yer feisty! I love that. It's dickheads I dislike.)

This is my “ultimate blogging” on “Food,” the first challenge issued.



We got tossed from the Garden of Eden because of food. Adam took a bite of a forbidden apple. If we had to do it all over again? I’d cheer him on.

Think about it. Apple juice for not living in a perfect blissful garden. Frankly, I like a little chaos in my life. Keeps me sharp. Often keeps me amused, too. I think dude came out ahead. And an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Where the fuck was God's medical plan?

I do digress. He took food he wasn't supposed to have. So did I, every time mom made cookies. I've always known the afterlife could be problematic for me. I've accepted that. But I'm glad I have this topsy-turvy fucked-up little life of mine.

And I'm glad we have the apple.

* * *

Food’s one of the most sensual things around. Done right, it’s exquisite. The possibilities are endless.

And yet, here we are, in a fast-food world.

While I'm guilty of eating in all the lowest-common-denominator establishments from time to time, I'm also capable of being quite the gourmet. There are days when I just love being in the kitchen, playing around with an array of ingredients.

Let's face it, I have a nice home, I do enjoy staying home, alone or with friends. If I were one of those people with qualms about drinking alone, it’d get pretty dry on the home front. So, when I plan to treat myself to a couple glasses of wine, I will take the time to prepare a quality meal.

And those are the nights that I feel a little more in control of my world. Like I’ve stopped things for the night and the world is mine. Something about a fine meal, a lit candle, and a glass of wine, even when alone, restores the balance. If only for a night.

And we forget that.

But Europe hasn't. They've got the lifestyle down: work less, live slow, enjoy the fine things.

There’s a reason they say you feed your soul. You don’t fill it. You don’t stock it. You don’t stuff it. You feed it.

Food and pleasure is one of the earliest cause-and-effect relationships we learn about. Whether it's a mint-chocolate-chip ice cream cone when you're four years old or a chocolate fondue with a lover when you're 35, food can heighten any experience.

More importantly, though, is how central food is in our social lives. European life still involves long hours spent around the dinner table, savouring foods all made with attention and care, enjoying wine, and discussing everything from poetry to politics.

In our fast-food society, we've almost done away with dinner tables. We've lost the family unit. We've forgotten how to communicate with each other. We rush, constantly, always. The microwave has become one of the staples of our homes. We can't even think ahead long enough to put something in the oven for 15 minutes.

It might be simplistic to suggest restoring the dinner hour to its former glory would improve everyone's quality of life, but I'm betting it would. I'm hoping someone can sell the religious right on this notion, so they can get off all our goddamned backs, get into the kitchen and out of the media, and maybe, just maybe, restore their families the old-fashioned way.

(I can turn anything political.)

* * *

As I touched on already, food enhances relationships. Every kind. Take food into the office? Everyone gets a slightly happier vibe. Caloric bribery. A beautiful thing. Dinner parties? Beats the hell out of a restaurant. Sex? Where did you put the chocolate syrup?

If you’re living off today’s version of The Hungry Man tv dinner, you’re probably hungrier than you think. Figure out what your kind of soul food is, and take the time to really enjoy it.

Then again, maybe your idea of soul food’s a little chocolate syrup and a good friend. That sounds filling too.