The Ammy Awards

Oh, this couldn't wait. This is just too good.

If you've read my shit before, you know I love the phrase "fucking amateurs." The word "amateur" conveys so much. So, we now have the "Ammy Awards." Enter award one.

I think we've all had those times in our early teens when we've done something brash, something borderline insane, just for the hell of doing it. I remember my brother and his friends plucking all the fuses out of a couple hundred firecrackers and tapping out all the powder, and fashioning a larger explosive. That this larger explosive was tossed inside the Neighbourhood Prick's Volvo and blew the interior all to shit is probably something I shouldn't divulge.

So, not wise, potentially dangerous, but an insurance claim later, and all was well.

Not so for these fucking morons.

A guy, 20, and a chick, 17, in the UK, got the brilliant notion to go and fill a couple of fluorescent light tubes with gasoline. They lit them and tried to film a lightsaber battle, it seems, in their frenzy over the release of the final Star Wars installment, Revenge of the Sith.

Our would-be Jedis are currently in critical condition. See, here on Planet Earth, glass shatters and flaming gasoline travels. And they do bad shit to human skin. I bet Stormtroopers woulda been unscathed, though.

Come on, say it with me: Fucking amateurs.

Let's keep the "fiction" in science fiction, kids.