For you, the dress code is casual.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

It's a Weird World After All, Volume 4

Not feeling well, I've been home today. After whipping some things into shape for hopeful publication and getting them off, I've decided to blow off some steam.

If you laugh at ALL in this, please click TOP BLOG and keep me in the top 5. It's in the sidebar, under my eyes. Thanks!

Here you go:


You wanna be in the pictures? All you gotta do now is die.

Vidstone, a new company, is launching a new high-tech tombstone that comes with a video monitor and footage of the dearly departed. With the push of a button, you can watch the footage. It’ll even come with a headphone jack (but no external speakers, fortunately).

It’s nice to know that we’re so utterly devoid of imagination and the ability to think for ourselves that even our tombstones will bombard us with images.

You gotta know when to let go. This dumb fuck didn’t.

A fisherman in East Germany was enjoying a day on the lake, fishing, when a feisty little bastard of a fish got hooked on his rod.

Clearly, Mr. Fisherman didn’t get out to the gym that often since the fish was able to not only get away, but get away with the fishing rod in tow.

The fish raced off, towing the rod over the lake’s surface, until it was more than 100 metres (300+ feet) from shore.

Freaking out when the fish swam off, the German jumped into the lake and pursued the fish.

The man had reached the now-floating rod, and then he just suddenly stopped. A 54-year-old witness noticed he’d stopped moving, swam out, brought the man back to shore, where he was pronounced dead.

Authorities describe the fish as "just a fish." Well, that clears that up, then.

Must’ve been one hell of a fishing rod.

Gotta say, reading the original story, I had this image of a couple of fish chomping on the dude's digits, commenting, "Hmm. Tastes like chicken."
The Bush administration is objecting to a new Internet suffix of .xxx to be used for porn sites. Why? Because they’re concerned it’ll create a new “cyber redlight district.”

It seems a massive 6,000 letters has poured in from concerned parents and citizens. Clearly 6,000 uptight people out of 200+ million is an overwhelming number.

Yeah, I can see where that concern’s coming from. I agree. Things are so much better now with porn sneakily embedded in the mainstream internet with easy access to just about anyone. That whole “Are you 18?” question viewers must answer before they enter is so obviously an effective measure.

Don’t you ever feel like you’re the only person with a functioning brain cell? Why the fuck is .xxx a problem? I think it’s a solution. God forbid you actually know before you click on an URL that it’s all sex.

But then, what do I know? I’m as guilty of moral turpitude anyhow, since I write smut myself.

I’m all for voyeurism, but...

A British chef was spotted fucking a goat in a field by a trainload of passengers as the train stopped at some signals.

The chef, 23-yr-old Stephen Hall, had his way with the grazing goat, much to the chagrin of all the unwitting train-riding spectators who then flooded the local cops with calls to complain about the antics.

Hall, a gay male, pled guilty to sex with an animal, but doesn’t seem too put off by the whole episode as he states his friends are all taunting him about the incident.

The goat doesn’t seem that put off, either. As they tell it in the Sun:

British Transport Police Detective Inspector Dave Crinnion, who investigated, said: "I saw the goat the next day — it did not seem too upset but it is difficult to tell.

What happened to the good old days when guys would use their Hoovers to get off, huh?

Most people move to Montana for the nature.

Seems to be a hit with toads, too.

Thousands and thousands of quarter-sized toads have descended upon the town of Big Sandy. So many toads are in the town that the streets are covered with sticky slime from toads being run down, and lawns look as if they’re moving, the blankets of toads are so thick.

The locals aren’t that concerned. Karen Jesperson says, “They’re pretty cute.”

Another local, a merchant, says "Poor little toads. Everyone keeps running them over. They have nowhere to go."

No, they don’t, and some other locals are beginning to use the little critters as fishing bait, figuring they may as well get a little use out of 'em, especially since they're really too small to be opening up French restaurants in the 'hood.

Big Sandy seems to be a magnet for strange invaders. Last time, it wasn't quite so biblical though. A decade ago, Big Sandy was overrun by tumbleweeds. The locals claim that the weeds were a bigger problem than the toads, which they cite as being merely “a nuisance.”

Can I be the first to suggest that Big Sandy doesn’t sound that sandy anymore? How about renaming it to Kermitville? Maybe Froggy Flats? Or Amphibiside? Maybe even simply Hopsville? No? Hmm.