For you, the dress code is casual.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

And Then There Was Steff. And a Blender.

I have a new blender. I thought you should know.

I'm so happy!

It's one of my little splurges as a result of the lovely bonus I received for Christmas from Ze Cheeses That Be at work. I plan also to buy 6 months' gym pass. Won't need it in the summer, 'cause, like, I kicked ass and took names this last one, so 6 months'll do sweetly.

I still haven't gotten to the gym in the two weeks that I've been saying I was going to, but I'm not about to beat myself up about it. Life's kinda gruelling right now, and it's all about coping.

Let's face it -- I've been through the ringer since July! Bronchitis for three weeks, felt well for one, insomnia for three weeks, got well for one, worst-eye-infection-ever for two weeks, became well for one, blown out back [with three full weeks completely incapacitated, on the floor] for six weeks, and now here we are, about three weeks after that, and I'm thick into overtime at work now while trying to do the whole "prepare for Christmas" thing whilst also having had to shop to replace my whole wardrobe [not something I can physically do even yet for stretches longer than 90 minutes] after having lost a whopping 50-plus pounds this year [haven't weighed myself since Remembrance Day but my formerly painted-on tight jeans are noticably loose now, hence the "plus"], trying to get my house sorted out after weeks of being incapable of doing ANY cleaning, doing all the appointments I need to do for my back [physio, chiro, massage] and other shit like haircuts and dentists and stuff, and, FUCK, MAN, am I overextended.

I got ELEVEN, maybe TWELVE days off at Christmas, and I'm fucking elated. I need that. I'm barely, barely hanging on here.

Fortunately, though, I'm eating super-healthy compared to my old ways -- most of the time -- as of the last couple weeks, and it's making a big difference. I really want to get some exercise this week, but looks like the weather's going major cold so I'll be bussing a lot anyhow, hence walking more of this ass of mine into oblivion, so the exercise'll come without pushing myself, which is probably wise, given my bosses cannot lose me right now.

It's too bad it's so busy at work right now. I know that if I said, "Well, no, I can't..." they'd understand, but the truth is, I can. It's just real, real hard. But I can get through it, I think. It's hard on everyone, and this too shall pass. In, oh, say 14 days.

Doesn't hurt I make decent money doing it. Rather, that I can bank that time and NOT use vacation time for it. Because fuck knows I've earned the full three weeks off this coming year with all I've accomplished this year. Man, have I. So, yeah, I'll likely use the time bank. We'll see.

Physio was tonight. He's really impressed and happy with my improvement and my performance whilst demonstrating the exercises for him, even though I only did half of what I've been prescribed, and have felt guilty. But I've been so fucking tired that I just can't motivate myself beyond doing what needs to be done for my life and job, you know? Sometimes ass-on-couch seems like the best way to go. Easiest.

Yet still I'm doing it enough to see new toning on my body. I'm trying, however, to be super-conscious of contracting the right muscles when walking, using my core in day-to-day activities, and focusing on structural integrity of motion... all the founding principles behind physiotherapy in the first place.

He's been giving me harder exercises each time, and is thrilled to assign me my first balance ball exercise. Eek! Scawy.

I wasn't feeling very good about my back progress, but, yeah, I guess I forget sometimes just how intensely I was injured. Very, very bad. Worst. Injury. Ever. Poor, poor Steff. Way to heal.

Sometime on the other side of January, the realization will hit me that I'm suddenly feeling strong, fit, and healthy. All at the same time. For the first time ever.

If there's anything this series of chronic sickness and illness (because I've had a variety of candida infections throughout all this) has given me, it's the desire to Never Ever Feel Like This Again.

Fuck injury. Fuck sickness. Fuck fat. Fuck it all. I'm done with it. I'm the victor. Its ass is mine.

This crap couldn't beat me. I'm still down 50 pounds.

Hell, I threw out four bags of fat clothes on Sunday. I replaced my whole wardrobe in the last two weeks (except a few recent purchases from the last three months, but they'll be gone soon, too, as they're now all a size too big, at least, as well!) and Sunday was the day of reckoning.

Fantastic. And I know I've lost my weight the healthy way. My technique and approach, attention to healthy food and eating lotsa veggies and salmon is still improving. A lot! I'm constantly trying to be better. And succeeding.

This Christmas will probably be my best Christmas ever because it's the first time I'll ever get to the other side and say, "Yeah, I did EVERYTHING I set out to do this year. Done. Next?"

After I sleep for a week, of course. :)


BTW, hi. So, I've been busy. Will get back into this blog as life settles down, don't you worry your pretty heads. Just can't write these days; don't have the time nor the stillness of mind. With that, outtie.