A Rant on Language

(If you love me, click that. ---> )

A local furniture chain is doing an advertisement that tells the lowly public that with the purchase of a Sealy Posturepedic mattress, you receive a free "super-flat 28" television."

"Super-flat?"

Jesus Christ, people. Something is either flat, or it is not flat. You can't have added degrees of flatness.

Know what the problem with the world today is? People don't say what they mean, but they sure as hell don't mean what they say.

It's a "flat-screen" TV, nimrods. Not "super-flat." I mean, I have a flat-screen tv, and if I find out it's actually really only a semi-flat? I'm knockin' heads, man.

You know, when people ask me how I'm doing, you know what I say? Good. Peachy. Ducky. Keen. Swell. Spiffy. Snazzy. Groovy. Awesome. Rockin'.

But never "fine."

Why? Because it's a LIE. No one's ever fine. China can be fine. Mesh can be fine. The tip of a ballpoint pen can be fine. But people? Pfft. Besides, everyone's lying. (Which makes it ironic when we say "good," doesn't it?)

And when I say I'm peachy, I'm lying, too. Well, I am delicious and I do have some body fuzz, but really. I'm certainly not really ducky. And I sure as shit ain't super-flat, either.

Then again... what is? Jesus Christ. I remember a time when people just tried to speak concisely. You know what this is?

The Age of the Adjective.

God help us.

*The photo is taken at an unfinished carport... but you can try guessing what it is.