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Saturday, June 11, 2005

The Sky Was Crying

The morning's filled with black clouds and the smell of rain evaporating from asphalt. I feel like sun's on its way, and it's trying to fight through the clouds as I type. I've got Stevie Ray Vaughn and the Texas Flood playing loudly. Loudly. The windows are all open and that musty smell of rain's got me looking forward to a hike this afternoon.

I was supposed to be white-water rafting today, which had me totally stoked, but I started getting these anxiety attacks about the roadtrip up, which would've been a total of ten hours, sandwiching the six-plus-hours rafting trip. If you don't know, I've been in quite a few car accidents in the last decade (only two have been my fault, and they've been minor, one got me on TV, which is another story I've yet to tell), but the last one did scare the shit out of me. A guy ran a red light about 18 months ago and totalled my car, and I guess I've got some shit to work through.

Most days, I'm pretty good about riding in cars. I've freaked out at every friend of mine at least once for doing dumb shit with me in the car. However, I usually get around by scooter (and in the winter, a little bit of bussing, too), since I'm right in the city.

So, instead of rafting, I'm stuck in the city yet again. This'll teach me, I suspect, to get over it. We citydwellers sans vehicles don't get Out much. But I don't think that forcing yourself into a situation where you confront your fears nonstop over the course of 20 hours is the best way to deal with phobias. Slow and steady, like most things, will see me through this.

I'll get over it. Today's just not that day. After all, I've been roadtrip girl my whole life-- from Mexico to Alaska and everywhere inbetween, through the Rocky Mtns in a blizzard, and half way east across Canada. It pisses me off to be a 'fraidy cat, and this weekend my pride's taken a serious hit.

But that's okay. It happens. Nonetheless, the woods are calling me. I don't have any other plans today. I'll go catch The Cinderella Man and go for a hike. Expect photos and maybe even a review, since I'm stuck sans plans again tonight.

The sky was crying, and here's the battle between the sun and the clouds, as seen from my balcony about 20 minutes ago. (Ain't digital awesome?)

sky was crying