I've Woken Up Now, and Found That I Am In Hell

Why, you ask, is my suitcase packed and by the door?

I'm readying for Armageddon, that's why. If all hell's about to come down on me, then I'm jetting from this two-pony sideshow, my friends.

And believe me, it's about to come down.

Heard about this? Huh? The Gods of Guitar, Fender have begun making their beloved Stratocaster with -- yes, you've got it -- the Hello Kitty design.

Me, I was always a Sunburst kinda gal, but fucking Hello Kitty? Just shoot me now. Seriously. I'm done, Bertha. I mean, there's some lame shit out there, but this takes the cake. It's a pity it wasn't out back before the 5,6,7,8s took the stage in Kill Bill. It'd be awesome to see Uma Thurman, all those pissed off Samurai wanna-be's, and Lucy Liu battling to the death with three vapids strumming their three-chord ditties out on Hello Kitties as they bop, bop, bop in the background on their itty-bitty stage.

Shit, who needs drugs anymore? Reality's getting weirder by the day.