Till her daddy took the T-bird away

If someone held a gun to my head and forced me to buy a new (ie: opposite of "classic") car tomorrow, my choices would be limited.

The Austin Mini Cooper: So goddamned cute it hurts. But then there's that whole "practicality thing. Cute, yes. Useful? Not so much. They're like those adorable shoes that do wonderful things for you at a party, but god help you when real life hits.

The Ford GT Deluxe Coupe: A good example of the right things Detroit's back to doing -- and all the wrong things it's still doing. The lines? They suggest beauty and sleakness. But then there's that whole "cookie-cutter" look of it. What, do they literally use a can opener to cut the sheet metal for that thing? What happened to the adjective sleek in Detroit? Come on, guys. You can do better. Nice start, but shit, you ain't even warm. Still, I'd love to hug some highway turns in that bad boy.

The Volkswagon Beetle: Aww. Cute. I once said I'd never buy a beetle 'cos I couldn't handle driving a car that was cuter than I was. That stands. Plus, ever seen one with a mountainbike attached? Yeah. There's that practicality thing again.

The Ford Thunderbird: Oh, fuck practicality. Baby blue, white leather interior, and you'll never get me out of the frickin' car.

There are dozens of other "new" cars I'd tolerate, but they all look the goddamned same, so nothing's coming to mind. These days, it's all performance... no substance. I don't like new cars.

I want an old car. I want a classic Mustang Shelby. I want classic Porsche Roadster. I want anything from the Fairlane to the El Camino, man.



Something with lines. Chrome. Sleek detailings. Something that says some kind of effort went into creating lines unlike the seen in anything on the market today.

Sadly, all we keep getting is the ugly shit like the Toyota Echo. Who the hell came up with that? If I was the chief of production over there at Toyota and the design team came to me with that car on paper, I'd have laughed them out of my office. I mean, could it scream "I"m on a low income, this was all I could manage" any fucking louder? Seriously.

Have you ever wondered what it must feel like to those brilliant, aesthetically-minded designers of yore when they open up a paper and see something as lame as any one of the "economy" sedans you find around today?

I bet they weep that their legacy has been squandered by these yahoos who claim they are "designing" cars.

I mean, really... the Honda Element? Shoot me now.