A Weight-Loss Rant
Wow. I haven't been posting here at all. I suck. Story of the blog these days.
My back's been giving me grief for the last 10 days, and it makes me less likely to do double-duty on my blogs when I'm in pain. It's still not 100%.
But I'm sitting around and doing lots of stretching tonight, watching some Biggest Loser, trying to remind myself what I've accomplished, and that these recent hurdles aren't anything to be concerned about. This, too, shall pass.
I got into one of those Twitter-type chats about the whole weight loss thing, thinking out loud as I reflected, such as it was, and this guy goes, "Oh, I know it's hard, I haven't been to the gym in months."
You know it's hard to exercise, pal. You've never been overweight, just lazy. It's not the same thing. You don't know what it's like living your life feeling discriminated against because you just don't fucking GET how to be thin or lose weight. You probably don't know what it's like to hate the way you feel in your skin when that skin's considerably more than the average person's.
You definitely don't know what it's like to weigh 275 pounds as a 5'6 chick.
The trouble with this recent bout of stupid motherfucking back pain is, it's getting in the way of life a bit. Not much, mind you. But it's just enough to be pissing me off. It's settling down, but I just wanted to be past this by now, so I'm irritated I'm having to find my way back into that positive space.
HOWEVER, as much as the last paragraph suggests otherwise, I'm getting there. I'm stretching properly, it's helping. This is good.
And then there's the reminder: I got hurt on the way to losing about 70 pounds and several sizes. Back in the old days, I blew out my knee by picking up a piece of paper. A bit of a difference.
I don't really know what my point is. I just got pissed off by some asshole likening my struggles with him being unable to get his lazy ass into a gym.
NO. *I* had to change my whole way of life. *I* have had to learn all about nutrition. (But have to put more in practice. The battle's never over.) *I* have had to deal with all the emotional baggage that got me to be 275 pounds. *I* have had to reprogram myself. *I* even had to survive literally 2 months of Christmas "gift" food on the office kitchen table and still lost 10 pounds over that time.
I didn't just have to haul my ass off the sofa three times a week. Every single day I have worked on improving myself. It has been the hardest accomplishment of my life, the best thing I've ever done, and something I will draw upon for the rest of my life as an example of how much I can kick ass when I have reason to do so.
When people tell me what I've done is "amazing", I should let them say so instead of shrugging it off. Because not a lot of people have taken off 70 or more pounds.
And now I'm one of them.
So. Yeah. I guess I just wanted to vent. Insolent bastard.
Don't belittle my accomplishment just because you don't have a simple gym visit in you.
This wasn't about a gym visit. This was about 26 years of eating myself into a nice, protective cocoon that I never really had to emerge from if I didn't want to, and about believing for that same amount of time that I could never be as fast, fit, strong, or able as others.
This was pretty much about every single thing in my life.
This was about making my demons my bitches.
Not just a gym visit. Asshat.